Welfare Queen Apple butter

2 lbs crab apples (can be acquired in most public parks or on any street after dark)
1 1/2 c sugar (if you can't get sugar you can us a handful of sweetener packets from the 7-11 or Dunkin donuts, then you can sell it to diabetics)
1 c water
1/4t cinnamon
1/4t nutmeg
1/4t allspice
1/4t powdered cloves(you can get these spices at the dollar store on foodstamps, right? If not try bringing a cup to the starbucks-you only need a couple shakes)

Cut off stems and flowered ends of of crab apples. the easiest way to get at all the fruit and stay away from the seeds is to cook the fruit for 45 min. and push though a fine hole colander. If you don't have one, then you can grate the flesh off with a fine grater, or cut away the flesh from the seeds and then cook the remaining ingredients in a crockpot or slowly on low heat, because if you're on welfare you've got nothing else to do-right? Save the jars from spaghetti and sterilize them and once the apple butter is thick place in jars. Trade what your kids won't eat with the neighbor welfare queen who makes soap because you know foodstamps don't buy soap! Get crafty and make some artsy labels and sell some at the local farmers market if the fancy bitch who runs it will let you because this shit is organic! Then maybe you can have some bus fare or some birth-control if baby's daddy comes at you again when the rent is due.